Who is AJ Bear

When AJ was first diagnosed with cancer in 2007, we made a decision to be completely transparent with our children. Our family was no stranger to hospitals and, over the next 10 years, our daughters were present by his bedside for all his surgeries. The eighth surgery had to be performed in Calgary and since both our daughters were at school, they were unable to travel for the surgery. They wanted to give their dad something that would remind him of their presence by his bedside. Our oldest daughter, who was working part time at the Stollery Children’s hospital, bought a bear and sewed a scar on the bear’s forehead and belly to match her dad’s scars from his multiple brain surgeries and the nephrectomy scar on his abdomen. The girls then dressed the bear in their dad’s favorite hockey team attire – the Calgary Flames. AJ first received Bear the night before his last surgery and Bear stayed with him throughout the time that he was in Calgary. AJ’s red boots and his Bear remained at his bedside right till the end.

In Islamic funerals, it is customary that only the men go to the cemetery when they take the body for burial. I have always found that the most difficult part about our funerals- when the casket is lifted up by the men and carried into the herst, and the women have to stay behind. Having just lost my mother a mere four months prior, I vividly recalled that feeling of profound loss and emptiness as I watched the male members of my family carrying her away whilst we stood in silent – and for some of us not so silent- sorrow. I accept and understand the reasons for this tradition. But I don’t have to like it. Our daughters, on the other hand, do not accept and they absolutely abhor this tradition. So, knowing what was to come, we created a way for our presence to be with AJ on his last journey. We asked each one of our male family members to hold something significant of ours whilst they carried AJ’s casket. And we asked AJ’s BFFs to tuck Bear into their pockets whilst they carried him to his final resting place. They just looked at us in shock and after passionately explaining the intent of our request, there was some semblance of understanding, and they abided by our wishes. This way, the girls and I felt like a part of us went with them and it gave us the strength to withstand the final moments of the funeral services. Whilst the men were at the cemetery, the women released 54 balloons into the sky and let AJ’s spirit fly, allowing us to create our own special tradition and find comfort in our darkest hour. When the boys returned home and brought our belongings and AJ’s Bear, he was henceforth known as AJ Bear.

There’s nothing magical about AJ Bear. He’s just made out of some stuffing and overpriced material. But, through him, we can find the gift of remembrance and keep AJ’s spirit alive. And yes, he’s a coping mechanism for us- that precious blankie that we had as children that made us feel loved and safe. What’s special about him is that he allows us all to smile, as we think of his owner.